Beginning in third grade, Jane was bullied at school on a daily basis. In those humiliating moments, Jane translated that bullying into a false belief system about herself that “I am not good enough” and “I’m worthless.”
Eventually she had enough experiences with people who treated her like she was worthless to really solidified her poor self-worth belief system. It became incorporated into her deep-rooted insecurities and she felt a generalized sense of ‘not being good enough‘ in many situations throughout life. She began gravitating toward individuals who treated her like she was less than them, and who often belittled her. She tolerated it because she agreed with the lie that she is worthless.
Jane rarely felt comfortable in relationships with uplifting people because she couldn’t really understand why anyone would treat her with kindness and worth. Their behaviors toward her were in opposition to her beliefs about herself and it caused her a low level of anxiety. Jane oddly felt most comfortable with individuals who pressed into her worthless feelings and beliefs until…
Jane began working with an EMDR therapist and went back to those profound experiences of being bullied in childhood where the false beliefs were planted. Jane held a tactile stimulating paddle in each hand while thinking back to the events. This kept both the left and right sides of her brain engaged, much like the dream state of REM sleep.
The therapist instructed Jane to try as hard as she could to believe that she is worthless. As the paddles vibrated, Jane became more and more aware of all the people throughout her life who had treated her the same and she began to cry. Jane checked in with the therapist and insisted, “No, I really am worthless. Everyone I have ever known has treated me like this.”
The therapist encouraged Jane to keep going and to keep trying to believe that she is worthless. Eventually, in between processing, Jane began to realize that the bullies in school had major issues in adulthood as well. She began to tell the therapist, “I think they must have been experiencing bad things at home.” The therapist agreed and said, “So, it may not have been because you are worthless?”
Yes! Jane exclaimed. and she became angry. “I did not deserve that. It didn’t have anything to do with me. I was just an easy target!”
As Jane continued to process the experiences, she grew more and more aware that the belief system was wrong, and quickly began to tell a different story. “I deserve love and kindness, and I don’t have to stay in relationships with people who bully me.”
In just a few sessions, Jane was able to realize that she is not worthless and eventually began gravitating toward healthy people. She could no longer tolerate individuals in her life who constantly put her down and she began to stand up for herself. She started choosing people who were kind and loving toward her, and she was no longer blaming herself for the actions of people who weren’t!
Jane’s life dramatically changed and so can yours! EMDR is an amplified, brain-based approach that rapidly and radically stabilizes emotionally-destabilized individuals. By stimulating the left and right lobes of the brain rapidly, EMDR replicates the body’s own God-given design for reprocessing and desensitizing memories (much like brain’s) activity during REM sleep. As a result, negative belief systems get re-structured with positive beliefs about self and others.
When an experience or relationship is profoundly disturbing enough to get us to believe a lie about ourselves and/or others, these negative beliefs systems can dramatically impact our behaviors going forward and ultimately lead to emotional distress and insecurities throughout life. Sometimes when someone abandons us, especially in childhood, we can internalize the belief, “I’m worthless” and live a life acting as if we are worthless. These beliefs can result in choosing individuals who treat us according to that belief of worthlessness and can promote ongoing complex traumas and abuse.
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is a psychotherapy approach designed for working with distressing memories and trauma.
EMDR is recommended for individuals who:
-
Are in abusive relationships and struggle to break free
-
Have phobias
-
Have relationship trauma
-
Have low self-esteem
-
Suffer with anxiety and depression
-
Have witnessed traumatic events
-
War or combat trauma
-
Have emotional destabilization of any kind
-
Are victims of narcissistic abuse
EMDR is an eight-step process.
First we list the most profound experiences in your life that you feel have negatively shaped your belief system, and then we will begin to reprocess according to the 8-step protocol.
When we begin to target a memory, I will ask you “On a scale from 0 – 10, how disturbing is that memory?” Let’s say the memory is a 10. We will then reprocess the memory until you report that the emotional/physical disturbance is at a zero when you bring the memory to mind. Many clients call the process the “magic eraser” because they are astounded that these once extremely disturbing memories no longer cause such emotional distress.
It is impossible to list all of the benefits of reconstructing your belief system. Believing truth and positive cognitions as opposed to lies and negative cognitions can produce changes that clients never thought possible. It is important to note that the process of EMDR can be very destabilizing while going through it, and is not without difficulty. A strong support system is necessary as a client is going through the process. However, if a client is willing to make therapy a
#1 priority and is really ready to confront the events in their life that shaped them in a negative way, EMDR can be one of the most rapid healing processes available.
